A sad Farewell

 

 

I lost another wonderful cat this week. Her name was Fluffy, though she answered to many names (Fluffy Lady, Fluff-zilla, Fluffalumpagus, baby demon, fatso, etc). She left a path of destruction where ever she went. I want to pull an act from the book "Because of Win-Dixie," and name 10 things I will remember about her.

 1. Her eyes were the color of Jade, and I could never get a good picture of them.
2. She rolled her R's when she purred.
3. She didn't seem to have any brains. I once found her screeching at a wall. And it would take her forever to find my bed, even when she was standing right beside it,

 4. She had curls on her belly.
5. She was so little. 5lbs.
6. She could destroy anything in just a few seconds.
7. She loved waking me up in the morning, and sometimes she just needed to know I was still here.

8. Her claws were so sharp and tiny.
9. She never turned down a free meal.

10. She was so severely loved and we will miss her so much.

 

Fluffy

September 2012- July 15, 2013

Hit by a car

Disability

This post has been running through my mind for quite some time. I would like to say that a few weeks after righting this out I began finding people who actually cared about me. Hopefully these types of friendships will continue.

I have a mental disability. It is called self-consciousness, and it is so severe that it consumes my thoughts almost every waking minute, and sometimes it makes it into my dreams.
All I can think is "they hate me," "I'm stupid," "I will never amount to anything." I know it's all a lie, but I can not give up these thoughts. I wear my heart on my sleeve and by some powere of God I have not yet stopped giving my heart out.
So often I am rejected. I share my struggles with those I should be able to trust and then they just stare at me as if I am some strange creature. Then I am lost again. People avoid eye contact with me, and they avoid me. I struggle to understand what is me really being rejected and what is not, because my self-consciousness goes so deep. I pray. I beg God to help me show my confident "true" self at all times, but I still struggle everyday. I pray that accepting people will come along, and they will prove to me that love and acceptance are not just a myth, but I am losing my faith in humanity. I am afraid to let go and depend on others, because the outcome is usually bad. I am angry so often, and hurt, and I just do not know what to do except pray and hope for a better future.

I dedicate this to those who have shown me what acceptance is: A.C., R.M., T.K., and M.F.

The Secret Voice

Grace not Drama

 Some how I have been mixing myself into ridiculous drama that I quite honestly do not want any part in, and in some instances do not know why I even care. I guess I just hate seeing people treat others with no respect for their feelings. I don't like when people think they are better at everything. I to am guilty of this at times. What is it with women or people in general that make us so driven to get involved with other's drama. I say all the time that I hate drama, but I am then reminded that I exude it. This problem has been waying heavily on my heart and mind. I am miserble and because of something absolutly ridiculous and simple to solve. All I have to do is say NO, I will not be involved in your ridiculous behavior.
I am such an outspoken person at times and so it is hard to not want to get my opinion in during every discussion. But I want to enjoy life even more, so I am trying to change. I realize that if my mind is always focused on the ridiculous behavior of others I will miss out on the fantastic, wonderful behvior of those that I look up to. I will miss opportunities to share my love as well.
The Bible says in Galations 5:15 "But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another."
This is NOT what I want for my life. I WANT joy, love, and laughter. Instead of exuding drama I want to exude Grace to those around.
Will You take the inititive and choose grace over drama?

The Secret Voice

One Less

Last Night there became one less orphan in the world. A family from my church stepped out of a plane and we were there to welcome them home with their beautiful, rambuctious new four year old son. Welcome home Caleb James Shu.

Our sign was ready

We waited

And waited

And there they were! Our first sigtings of this beautiful boy. He was worth the two long years of waiting and praying

First time meeting his grandma

His Joyful, Beautiful new momma

The Balloon a dangerous fun new toy

The adorable welcoming committee

The Beautiful family of seven plus grandparents. Welcome Home Grahams and many happy memories

Please pray for this family as they adjust to life with this very sweet overactive boy. Attachment is going well, and he is such a happy boy. Pray for the future surgeries he will need to hopefully give him sight in his eye that has a glaucoma. God couldn't have picked a better family to be his forever.

The Secret Voice

Not behind a mask

I never know what to say on this blog. I created it as a way to let my feelings known even if no one cares to hear them. The truth is I am far from put together. I struggle each and everyday. Nothing has ever come easy to me, except writing, but recently even that has been challenged by the great professors of college, and the even greater writers within my creative writing class. This semester I have been shot down a countless amount of times, because I'm just not as good.
I can't turn the political leaders of our current times, into books of the bible and make it a poem. I don't have horrific events to talk about, I've never had a guy so theirs no tragic break up, and I don't get caught up in stupid drama so that is one more topic I cannot discuss.
When I am struggling I pray, and talk to people in the church. I have never felt the need to put on a mask and pretend that my life is fabulous, because it is not, and I don't want anyone to think it is. I daily struggle to read my bible (and quite honestly it usually doesn't get done), I have a temper, I freak out when people ask me questions, I struggle to get words to come out right, sometimes people don't understand me. I am an outcast, but I feel that someday my differences will help. If I show my true colors maybe others will be comfortable confiding in me. I don't want to be another Christian that non-Christian's view as better than them, because their lives seem so perfect. I can guarantee, everyone has a skeleton in their closet.

Holly

This is Holly. She is an Orphan at New Day Foster Home just outside of Beijing, China. Holly will soon be twelve years old which means only two more years to find a family.

She desperately wants a family to call her own. Holly loves all things girly, and according to her Foster Family would be in heaven in a house full of baby dolls. She is sweet and kind. Could you possibly be her family?

 

 

The Secret Voice

 

Fun Photo Friday

           Look What came to town